Really? Is she hot?
How old are you now, Scott? Like, 28?
I'm not playing your little games, kids.
So, you've been out of high school for, like, 13 years.
I'm 22. Twenty-two.
And you're dating a high-school girl. Not bad, not bad.
Thank you, thank you.
So, did you guys, like, you know, do it yet?
We have done many things.
We ride the bus together.
And we have meaningful conversations about how yearbook club went
and about her friends and, you know, drama.
Have you even kissed her?
We almost held hands once, but then she got embarrassed.
Well, aren't you pleased as punch.
I don't know what you're talking about.
So, what's her name?
Knives Chau.
She's Chinese.
Wicked.
So, when do we get to meet her?
Oh, please, let it be soon.
That's for me.
Hi. You promise to be good?
Of course I'll be good.
Seriously, please be good.
Am I normally not?
Hey, Knives, this is Stephen Stills. He's the talent.
Hey.
Is she gonna geek out on us?
She'll just sit in the corner, man.
I mean, I want her to geek out on us.
She'll geek. She geeks. She has the capacity to geek.
Okay.
You're good.
Wow.
Here, let me get your coat.
Hi.
Knives, that's Kim.
Sorry, what was your name?
Kim.
And you play the drums?
Yes.
That is so awesome.
Knives, that's Young Neil.
Hi.
What do you play?
Wow, Zelda, Tetris.
That's kind of a big question.
Okay, let's start with Launchpad McQuack.
That's not the actual title of the...
We are Sex Bob-Omb!
One, two, three, four!
Yeah, yeah
Laminate the stasis
Mama, mama serpentine
I got a breathalyzer
And my body's clean
Yeah! Yeah!
Thank you!
Get ready
Yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah!
You guys are so
amazing.
She seems nice. Yeah.
Yeah, she seems awesome.
Yeah.
Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it.
Yeah. Wait, what?
I mean, are you really happy or are you really evil?
Like, do I have ulterior motives or something?
I'm offended, Kim.
Wounded, even?
Hurt, Kim.
You? Hurt?
Neil, you were saying about "she seems awesome."
Yeah, she seems awesome.
Yeah.
Before you hear some dirty lies from someone else,
yes, I'm dating a 17-year-old.
Oh, is he cute?
Does this mean we have to stop sleeping together?
You see another bed in here?
Yeah. You're totally my bitch forever.
So, the whole 17-year-old thing, don't tell too many people.
Hey, you know me.
I mean, don't tell my sister.
You know me.
Who are you texting?
Seventeen years old? Scandal!
That's not true. Who told you?
Wallace. Duh.
That gossipy bitch.
You know me.
Wallace!
Who is this mystery child you date?
Her name's Knives Chau. She's Chinese.
A 17-year-old Chinese schoolgirl? You're ridiculous.
It's a Catholic school, too.
With the uniform and everything?
Yeah. The whole deal.
Oh, my God. You guys haven't...
No, no, no, no. We haven't even held hands yet.
I think she hugged me once.
Scott, why are you doing this?
I don't know. It's just nice, you know? It's just simple.
It's been over a year since you got dumped
by She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named. So...
Are you legitimately moving on
or is this just you being insane?
Can I get back to you on that?
I do not wanna be here at all.
This school has boys, too.
I hate you. Even I would think twice about dating a 17-year-old.
Well, she's only allowed out
when the sun is up, so I wouldn't call it dating.
It's more like... Playtime?
That doesn't sound so good, either. No.
Scott!
Hey, Knives.
This is my cool, gay roommate, Wallace Wells.
Hi. He's gay.
Oh, do you wanna know who in my class is gay?
Yes, does he wear glasses?
Wallace, you go now. Begone.
You're too good for him. Run.
Get ready!
Here we go!
Did you know that the original name for Pac-Man was Puck-Man?
You'd think it was because he looks like a hockey puck,
but it actually comes from the Japanese phrase "paku-paku,"
which means, "to flap one's mouth open and closed."
They changed it because they thought that
"Puck-Man" would be too easy to vandalize.
You know, people could just scratch off
the "P" and turn it into an "F" or whatever.
Oh, my God! Like, wow!
Combo!
Yeah. Wow.
Continue?
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four,
three... Oh, I got it.
...two, one.
I don't listen to that much music.
I mean, I know a lot of kids who play piano or whatever, but you guys...
You guys rock.
Well, I knew I personally rocked,
but I never suspected that we rocked as a unit.
So, thank you, Knives.
I mean, you guys are gonna be huge.
Well, we're already pretty big,
but, yeah, I guess it'd be cool
if cool people started wearing our T-shirt or whatever.
Cool. Yeah, yeah.
Excuse me, do you have anything by The Clash at Demonhead?
Have you tried the section marked "The Clash at Demonhead"?
Thank you, Julie.
Are you coming to my party Friday,
or will you be busy babysitting?
Thank you, Julie.
You don't want to listen to her.
And you definitely don't want to listen to them.
Oh, I heart them so much.
Yeah, I hearted them, too, until they signed to a major label,
and the lead singer turned into a total bitch and ruined my life forever.
But that's just me.
Envy Adams is so cool. Do you read her blog?
Sorry, you were saying about me?
I mean, I've never gone out with anyone so talented.
Go out with a lot of guys?
No.
Yeah, so, whatever, man.
I've never even kissed a guy.
Hey,
me, neither.
Here you go.
So, this is your secret lair?
Yeah, yeah. Can I come in?
My secret lair is one of those
"No girls allowed"-type deals.
Okay.
But do you wanna see the house where I grew up?
Sure! Come on.
There you go.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
Oh, God.
So alone.
You're not alone.
What?
You're just having some idiotic dream.
Does that mean we can make out?
Oh, God!
What is it, Scott?
I had this totally weird dream.
Oh, God.
What is it, Other Scott?
Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me not interested.
But there was this girl.
Girl?
Was this an Envy-related dream?
We don't use the E-word in this house.
No, it wasn't her. It was somebody new.
Yay for that.
Speaking of new,
weren't you supposed to take your fake high-school girlfriend
to the library a half-hour ago?
What? It's like 6:00 in the morning.
It's weird.
What's weird?
Libraries remind me of grade school.
That must seem like a really long time ago.
Yeah, let's talk about something else.
Do you know that girl?
Scott! What?
You only played one note for that entire song.
My hand slipped.
Is your girlfriend distracting you?
My girlfriend?
I'll be quieter.
Let's do that one again.
Sorry, what are we doing?
I told you, like, 50 times!
We're going to this party, retard.
Party? At Julie's.
I thought you guys split up.
We did, but there might be some label guys there, so, you know...
Oh, man, this is gonna suck. Suck!
At least it'll give us something to complain about.
Oh, man!
This sucks!
Sucks!
I'm gonna go pee due to boredom.
I have to pee.
You know, so I told him you've got a really good sound,
and I think that you should market your sound
to deaf people, because... Scott! Hey!
Hey, Comeau.
How about this party? You getting your drink on here?
No, I don't drink. This is just Coke Zero.
What do you mean, you don't drink?
I distinctly remember you being very drunk off a couple of G-and-T's...
Hey, Comeau, you know everyone, right?
Yeah, pretty much, I do.
You know this one girl with hair like this?
Yes, that's Ramona Flowers.
Somebody said she was gonna be here tonight, actually.
What? Oh, Scott.
You have the hots for her or something? I gotta tell you though,
I hear that she's a little hardcore.
Hey, what's up?
Nothing.
Hey, you know Pac-Man?
I know of him.
Well, Pac-Man was originally called Puck-Man.
They changed it because...
Not because Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck.
"Paku-paku" means "flap your mouth,"
and that they were afraid people would change...
Scratch out the "P" and turn it into an "F," like...
Yeah, that's amazing.
Um...
Am I dreaming?
I'll leave you alone forever now.
Thanks.
Dude! What?
She's totally real! Who?
Ramona Flowers. What?
Dude! What do you know about Ramona Flowers?
All I know is that she is American.
American.
Why don't you go talk to Sandra and Monique?
They know a lot more.
Lady-dudes. What do you know about Ramona Flowers?
I heard she has a boyfriend.
Yeah. Some guy back in New York.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What else?
I heard she kicks all kinds of ass.
She's on another level.
She has men dying at her feet.
She's got some battle scars, dude.
What about Ramona Flowers?
You know her? Tell me now.
She just moved here.
Got a job at Amazon. Comes into my work.
Does she really?
Didn't you say she just broke up with someone?
Did she really?
They had a huge fight, or whatever.
Did they really?
Yes! But I didn't want Scott to know that, Stephen.
Yeah, I don't know what it is about that girl.
Scott, I forbid you from hitting on Ramona,
even if you haven't had a real girlfriend in over a year.
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Scott's mourning period is officially over.
He's totally dating a high-schooler.
Dating a high-schooler is the mourning period.
She's got a point.
I thought you guys broke up.
I don't want you scaring off the coolest girl at my party, Scott.
We all know you're a total lady-killer wannabe, jerky-jerk.
That's completely untrue.
That time with Lisa? That was a misunderstanding.
That time with Hollie? That wasn't what it looked like.
That time you dumped Kim for...
Okay. Me and Kim are all good now, all right?
Whatever! Ramona's out of your league. Let's just leave it at that.
Besides, I'm not even sure she did have a big breakup.
She keeps mentioning some guy named Gideon.
Yeah, I don't know what it is about that girl.
Forget it, Scott!
Guess who's drunk?
I guess Wallace.
You guess right.
So, that girl from my dream...
Girl. Okay.
I saw her at the library.
Library. Can I pretend we're talking about a guy?
And then I'm at this party and, hey, there she is.
Hey, there he is.
I think she's...
I think he's...
I think she's the girl of my dreams.
Mmm.
Then you should break up with your fake high-school girlfriend.
I've never been so sure about something.
Then you should break up with your fake high-school girlfriend.
What's that?
You should break up with your fake high-school girlfriend.
I'm not getting it, friend.
You're thinking of juggling two chicks?
Not even!
Well, you should break up with your fake high-school girlfriend.
Wait, who told you?
Wallace. Duh!
He's not even conscious. Whatever.
You of all people should know how sucky it is to get cheated on.
Don't you have a job to do?
You're right. I should send out a mass text about this. Bye.
Wallace, how do you do that?
Wallace!
Amazon.ca, what's the website for that?
"Amazon.ca."
I have to order something really cool.
You've got mail.
Dude, this thing claims I have mail.
It's amazing what we can do with computers these days.
Dude, now I'm reading it.
So happy for you.
"Dear Mr. Pilgrim, it has come to my attention
"that we will be fighting soon.
"My name is Matthew Patel, and..." Blah, blah, blah...
"Fair warning... Mano y mano... Seven evil..." Blah, blah.
This is... This is... This is...
What?
This is boring.
Delete.
Scott,
are you waiting for the package you just ordered?
Maybe.
It's the weekend. It won't ship until Monday at the earliest.
You were saying?
Attack hug! Hey!
Attack hug. That's so cute. So cute.
You don't remember?
You're supposed to meet me at the bus stop a half-hour ago.
How could I possibly forget?
Yearbook club is so boring.
I cannot believe the music they put on while we work.
That's sucky.
Hannah broke up with Alan and now she's all into Derek.
But then Tamara claims she has dibs on Derek.
I tell you.
Bad!
Okay. I'm sorry, that was all me.
Solo round!
Uh-oh.
Nega ninja.
Nega ninja!
I can never get past that guy.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
Game over!
Do you want to keep going?
Continue? Nine, eight,
seven, six, five... I think...
...four, three...
I think that we should...
...two, one.
Game on, everybody. Game on.
I got us a show.
Oh, my gosh, when? 399 00:1